Right before it was time to go to bed I began to get anxious. And cranky. I wasn't sure why. I tried to read to get sleepy but it didn't work. I tried to sleep. I counted sheep. I read some more. The more I tried to sleep the tighter the knot in my stomach got, and it occasionally moved to my chest. I don't think I got more than a few minutes of sleep.
I am usually a little anxious the night before a long run with my training group. I'm a little uneasy around people I don't know and running is a personal thing with me. If I can get along with someone and carry on a conversation I don't mind talking and running, but I have my own pace and I like to keep it without worrying about keeping up or slowing down for someone else. So lately I have been pretty much by myself, even if I'm with a pace group.
I also get anxious the longer the runs get. Today I was supposed to run 9 miles. I have two weeks until the half marathon I've been training for. This will be my third half marathon, and I thought by this time I would be an old pro, but I think I feel even less confident this time than I did the very first time. I've been sick, I still have shin problems, and running slowly continues to really bug me.
Despite the fact that I had no sleep, I went out this morning determined to do 9 miles. We had to start at this elementary school again and there are a few really wicked hills that just cause me to stop and walk sometimes. They probably are not so wicked for someone who is a little more seasoned and training for some big race, like, I don't know, Boston? But for me, at the end of a long run, the hills just kill me. All week I was telling myself I would not let these last two miles psych me out. I'd mentally steel myself for them.
I did the 9 miles. Slowly. Painfully. My shins still hurt. I walked a few times. Stopped at all the water stops. I did all the things my learned and cute coach told me to do this morning as I left the house: count your steps when going up the hill to distract you, just accept the pain for what it is (training your legs), and just run and enjoy it.
I did all of these things and more. The run was about 20% physical and 80% mental. My legs were on autopilot, and protested the whole way. But I listened to my music player, sang out loud when I needed an extra boost, reminded myself that I was training, counted my steps, and just tried to relax. I also occasionally thought of my niece Emma, who is fortunately on the road to a slow and careful recovery, and that my shin pain and exhaustion paled in comparison to all of the things she has gone through. I took two Gus during the run so that I would continue to have energy. When I reached 8 miles, which was the least I was going to do before deciding to walk the rest of the way, I pumped my fist and triumphantly yelled "Yeah" out loud. One more mile and I would be done, and I had just cleared the worst of the hills. I picked up the pace and was able to finish the run.
My average pace was just under 12:00 minutes per mile, which was disappointing, but considering the lack of sleep, the bitter wind blowing in my face, and the demon hills, it wasn't so bad. One look at my training log made me feel better too. I still had the best pace yet for the number of miles during training, and in reading the notes, each time I hit 8 miles it was very hard for me. Eight miles seems to be a threshold number right now. After I get past it I'm ok, but getting through it is always rough.
And every time I do it, it amazes me how much of long distance running is mental. When I finished, my legs hurt like hell, and I was even more tired, but I was also mentally exhausted. It took all I had to convince my body to keep moving. My coach tells me it's the same, if not more so, with the marathon. He makes it look so easy!
Time to relax and replenish carbs. And maybe sip a glass of wine? I deserve it!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Recovery
After 10 days of being sick with a sinus infection, I ran 6 grueling miles on Saturday outside. We were on a new route because the school we usually go to was having some function. So we had to go to an elementary school and run through some neighborhoods to get to the bike trail. It was great getting started - it was all downhill. But going through my head, on mile two, was how difficult it would be to come back - all uphill. I did it, but I know as soon as I started the uphill "climb" (hills don't look like hills until you have to run them!) I began to psych myself out.
Running is both physical and mental, and you can't underestimate the power of the mental. I know I psyched myself out heading back uphill. It took forever, and I stopped and walked some of the way. Two people who I am sure were running more than 6 miles had already hit the turnaround point for their run and passed me on the way back. They gave me words of encouragement - "slow and steady - you'll make it!" I finally did.
Since then, I've run had two more runs, both five miles each on the treadmill at the gym. During the first five miler, I had shin pain at around a level 1 or 2 out of 10 (yeah!) and didn't feel too bad. Today, despite a head cold, I had the best run I've had in a while. ZERO shin pain. That's right. I said ZERO! I'll probably have some tightness tomorrow, but I can live with tightness. A little stretching and ice and I'm good to go. Woohoo!
I think much of my motivation for these last two runs has been for my niece Emma and my brother and his family. We had a terrible fright this weekend. My four month old niece recently had heart surgery and was beginning her recovery. My brother called around midnight Saturday and said he was told Emma was doing very badly and might not make it through the night. Since then, everyone's thoughts and prayers have been for little Emma, and she's hanging tough. She's running her own little marathon and we won't let her hit the wall. She will make it. You can read her story on my brother's blog (be prepared to cry and laugh and just have your heart tugged every which way), and a very poignant dedication my husband made with his last 20 mile run. (yes I've hooked him into blogging now!)
One realization I had during all of this was the amazing power of the Internet. My brother's blog has gained a lot of followers, and even people he barely knows or doesn't know at all. He does a great job of giving detailed updates as soon as he can. We don't have to sit by the phone wondering what is going on, and exchanging voice mail messages, or waiting for emails.
And now there's "microblogging". My brother is using Twitter to provide up to the minute updates from his cell phone on Emma's status. I monitor it constantly. I worry when I don't see an update; I've realized that the doctors' rounds appear to occur every hour, and I have to remember that my brother does have to sleep sometime. I'm not sure how useful microblogging is in general; I've signed up and posted some silly stuff that I'm sure people will want to know that I'm doing or thinking. But for Emma updates, it's da bomb! (did I just type that?)
Running is both physical and mental, and you can't underestimate the power of the mental. I know I psyched myself out heading back uphill. It took forever, and I stopped and walked some of the way. Two people who I am sure were running more than 6 miles had already hit the turnaround point for their run and passed me on the way back. They gave me words of encouragement - "slow and steady - you'll make it!" I finally did.
Since then, I've run had two more runs, both five miles each on the treadmill at the gym. During the first five miler, I had shin pain at around a level 1 or 2 out of 10 (yeah!) and didn't feel too bad. Today, despite a head cold, I had the best run I've had in a while. ZERO shin pain. That's right. I said ZERO! I'll probably have some tightness tomorrow, but I can live with tightness. A little stretching and ice and I'm good to go. Woohoo!
I think much of my motivation for these last two runs has been for my niece Emma and my brother and his family. We had a terrible fright this weekend. My four month old niece recently had heart surgery and was beginning her recovery. My brother called around midnight Saturday and said he was told Emma was doing very badly and might not make it through the night. Since then, everyone's thoughts and prayers have been for little Emma, and she's hanging tough. She's running her own little marathon and we won't let her hit the wall. She will make it. You can read her story on my brother's blog (be prepared to cry and laugh and just have your heart tugged every which way), and a very poignant dedication my husband made with his last 20 mile run. (yes I've hooked him into blogging now!)
One realization I had during all of this was the amazing power of the Internet. My brother's blog has gained a lot of followers, and even people he barely knows or doesn't know at all. He does a great job of giving detailed updates as soon as he can. We don't have to sit by the phone wondering what is going on, and exchanging voice mail messages, or waiting for emails.
And now there's "microblogging". My brother is using Twitter to provide up to the minute updates from his cell phone on Emma's status. I monitor it constantly. I worry when I don't see an update; I've realized that the doctors' rounds appear to occur every hour, and I have to remember that my brother does have to sleep sometime. I'm not sure how useful microblogging is in general; I've signed up and posted some silly stuff that I'm sure people will want to know that I'm doing or thinking. But for Emma updates, it's da bomb! (did I just type that?)
Monday, March 17, 2008
Not again!
I went back to work today. I felt ok. Just a little cough and tired. Then everyone at work was telling me I should go to the doctor as I didn't feel 100% and sounded bad. My chest started to hurt, from coughing so much. I was checking Webmd and self-diagnosing (not a good idea - I have J.D. not an M.D. but sometimes I forget!). I thought maybe I had bronchitis.
So I relented and called the doctor. They got me in for a 10:15 (which turned out to be 10:45 by the time a doctor saw me but what do you want for a last minute appointment?).
The doctor said that she believed I had a sinus infection because I had been feeling better this weekend but now I was feeling bad again. And my cheeks hurt. My lungs sounded clear and my ears looked good. I didn't have any yellow or green goo coming out of my nose but apparently that is not a prerequisite for a sinus infection.
So I got a prescription for an antibiotic, samples of some cough syrup and a recommendation to use Mucinex to loosen the phlegm. I went to the drugstore and got the goodies I needed. Then I went back to the office, thinking I'd feel better soon. Little did I know, I would actually feel worse.... (I am reading Goosebumps books to my six year old and the chapters all end with some sense of foreboding like this).
I took my antibiotic, ate a bagel, tried to read some light work reading (daily clips, etc.) and put some chicken noodle soup in the microwave in the break room. I left the breakroom while the soup was heating up, and by the time I went back for it I started to feel really hot and uncomfortable. I took the soup back to my office and ate two spoonfuls when I decided I had better go home. I felt awful again.
But when I stood up I felt a tiny bit lightheaded so I sat back down. Then I put my head on my desk. I was drenched with sweat. I closed my office door and sat back down and tried to call some colleagues. I felt so bad I didn't think I should drive home. By the time I found someone, she found me on the floor lying down (I chose to lie down; I didn't faint or collapse). One of my colleagues went to get her car, and another came in and started asking me about my medication. Could I be having a side effect? She also asked if I wanted our resident EMT to come check me out. She's got another job on a help desk in our office but is also currently a part time EMT. She comes in handy in our office, that's for sure. She was awesome. She took my pulse and said my heart was racing. She checked my blood pressure but it was ok. They called the doctor's office and talked to various people.
Apparently I had a fever this morning and had no idea. The nurse took my temperature while I was waiting to see the doctor and I thought she wrote down 98. 4 or something. That's not a fever! But the person I talked to on the phone said I had a fever and it was common for my heart to beat quickly as a result. He recommended I go home and take it easy and call if things don't improve.
My husband had no idea what was going on. I couldn't get into the house because the front door was locked and I never use the keys for the front door. The dog was barking and I was hitting the doorbell. He (my husband, not the dog) won't answer the door unless he is expecting someone. Good thing I figured out my keys!
This scene surely had shades of deja vu - at least the getting a ride home part, not the fainting in the elevator part. My husband made me sit on the couch and fed me Dove dark chocolate and gatorade. Ahhh, much better. Actually I felt better on the way home; I felt silly, actually.
My husband remarked that I am the same woman that drove herself to the hospital when I was in labor, but this is the second time I have gotten a ride home from work. Fainting in an elevator will do that to you. I'm still freaked out by it.
I do want to say thanks for the really kind, compassionate people at my office. They are so great; I didn't hesitate to ask for help and they were there in a flash.
Sooo...I STILL DID NOT get to run yet. I'm not too worried about it but I need to get a run in sometime this week. I think I'll ask for an amended plan from the coaches once I know when I CAN run.
My boss says it's the healthy living that is doing this to me. She prescribed a cheeseburger and sitting around doing nothing. Sounds good. Both of them!
So I relented and called the doctor. They got me in for a 10:15 (which turned out to be 10:45 by the time a doctor saw me but what do you want for a last minute appointment?).
The doctor said that she believed I had a sinus infection because I had been feeling better this weekend but now I was feeling bad again. And my cheeks hurt. My lungs sounded clear and my ears looked good. I didn't have any yellow or green goo coming out of my nose but apparently that is not a prerequisite for a sinus infection.
So I got a prescription for an antibiotic, samples of some cough syrup and a recommendation to use Mucinex to loosen the phlegm. I went to the drugstore and got the goodies I needed. Then I went back to the office, thinking I'd feel better soon. Little did I know, I would actually feel worse.... (I am reading Goosebumps books to my six year old and the chapters all end with some sense of foreboding like this).
I took my antibiotic, ate a bagel, tried to read some light work reading (daily clips, etc.) and put some chicken noodle soup in the microwave in the break room. I left the breakroom while the soup was heating up, and by the time I went back for it I started to feel really hot and uncomfortable. I took the soup back to my office and ate two spoonfuls when I decided I had better go home. I felt awful again.
But when I stood up I felt a tiny bit lightheaded so I sat back down. Then I put my head on my desk. I was drenched with sweat. I closed my office door and sat back down and tried to call some colleagues. I felt so bad I didn't think I should drive home. By the time I found someone, she found me on the floor lying down (I chose to lie down; I didn't faint or collapse). One of my colleagues went to get her car, and another came in and started asking me about my medication. Could I be having a side effect? She also asked if I wanted our resident EMT to come check me out. She's got another job on a help desk in our office but is also currently a part time EMT. She comes in handy in our office, that's for sure. She was awesome. She took my pulse and said my heart was racing. She checked my blood pressure but it was ok. They called the doctor's office and talked to various people.
Apparently I had a fever this morning and had no idea. The nurse took my temperature while I was waiting to see the doctor and I thought she wrote down 98. 4 or something. That's not a fever! But the person I talked to on the phone said I had a fever and it was common for my heart to beat quickly as a result. He recommended I go home and take it easy and call if things don't improve.
My husband had no idea what was going on. I couldn't get into the house because the front door was locked and I never use the keys for the front door. The dog was barking and I was hitting the doorbell. He (my husband, not the dog) won't answer the door unless he is expecting someone. Good thing I figured out my keys!
This scene surely had shades of deja vu - at least the getting a ride home part, not the fainting in the elevator part. My husband made me sit on the couch and fed me Dove dark chocolate and gatorade. Ahhh, much better. Actually I felt better on the way home; I felt silly, actually.
My husband remarked that I am the same woman that drove herself to the hospital when I was in labor, but this is the second time I have gotten a ride home from work. Fainting in an elevator will do that to you. I'm still freaked out by it.
I do want to say thanks for the really kind, compassionate people at my office. They are so great; I didn't hesitate to ask for help and they were there in a flash.
Sooo...I STILL DID NOT get to run yet. I'm not too worried about it but I need to get a run in sometime this week. I think I'll ask for an amended plan from the coaches once I know when I CAN run.
My boss says it's the healthy living that is doing this to me. She prescribed a cheeseburger and sitting around doing nothing. Sounds good. Both of them!
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