Family

Two days ago, my niece Emma passed away. She fought with all her might, but a second infection got the best of her. She had been a preemie at little over 1 lb., and had never had the chance to go home because of increasing health problems.

I never met Emma, but got to know my little niece best through my brother's blog, and pictures posted on Flickr. Every time new pictures were posted we shared them with our boys, her cousins, and explained as best we could to our six year old what was happening. We relished every picture, and checked for new blog postings every day.

When I explained to my son what had happened, he said, "Won't people be confused? How can a baby die?" It's a question we are asking ourselves every day. We had always said that you die after you get very old and your body is finally worn out, like you wear out a pair of shoes. I explained to him how Emma was very sick, and while the doctors did everything they could to make her better, in the end, her body just couldn't get better. My son said he thought that when Emma and Ella would get older Ella could play with him and Emma could play with his younger brother. It's a lot for a six year old to understand, and I think he did, and processed it the way a six year old can - pretty matter of fact.

I don't have the words to say how I feel. I think my husband said it best for all of us.

I want to add something, however. One of the biggest regrets I have is that my brother and his family live so far away. My little brother and I were always close when we were little. He was my student when I played school, and he always played along. When he sliced open his finger because he had his finger inside the door when another kid slammed it, I know while in the emergency room he kept asking for me (and to this day I tell my kids to keep their hands away from the door or they'll cut their finger off like Uncle Matt did). I played hot wheels, basketball, flag football and other games with him and his friends because I was more of a tomboy and couldn't tolerate girls. I remember talking with him about his first real girlfriend (you can thank me later, Ellen) and whether they should stay together. He taught me how to use a computer when he was in the fourth grade! My husband and I spent our honeymoon in Seattle and he let us stay at his apartment. Even though he lives far away, and we don't talk much, when we do talk, it is almost as if he never moved away.

So when all of this was going on, it has been heartbreaking for me not to be there to support him and his family. It's the worst thing a parent could ever possibly have to go through. As I read the comments to his blog, and twitter responses, I am comforted that he and his wife have such wonderful friends to help and support them.

On behalf of my family, and my parents, I want to thank everyone who has been able to physically be there for my brother and his family. It means a great deal to me to know that he has so many friends to help and support him.

Matt, Ellen and Ella, we love you. Emma baby, we miss you very much and regret never getting to meet you in person. We send you our love and you will always be in our hearts.