Courage to Start

I had to share a blog post that I read recently. I've struggled with this question since I started running. The post is from one of my favorite bloggers/runners - John Bingham (a.k.a "The Penguin", and the sponsor of the Flying Feather and the Cap City Half Marathon).



It's from a Q&A on the Runner's World website called "Ask the Penguin"



"Q...but is there such a thing as someone just not built to run?....



A....Very often the problem isn’t with our bodies, but with our emotions, our psyches, or our egos. When you write that your shins hurt when you went “faster than what felt like a crawl” it tells me that you’re running faster than your body can handle. For now.



It always surprises people when they finally learn how slowly they have to run in order to be a better runner. None of us get it when we start out. We all think that we have to run fast in order to call ourselves runners. But, the truth is, the better a runner you are, the more you understand that running – any running, fast or slow – is what makes you a runner...."



Read the entire post here.



When I talk to people about my running I always downplay it and explain that I'm really slow. But even today when I told someone at work I was running again and managed to do the Flying Feather Four Miler race, he was impressed. Even when I said I was slow. "You still have me beat," he said. Being married to a serious (some would say crazy) runner and knowing a lot of them, I tend to compare myself to them, and forget that the rest of the world either thinks more than a mile is a marathon, or thinks all runners are crazy, or both. I'm very worried about injuring myself again, and wondering whether I should continue running. Bingham's answer reinforces what I knew but forgot. It's not the speed, or even the distance. It's the fact that you do it.

As my big honkin' Flying Feather medal says, "The Miracle isn't that I finished. The Miracle is that I had the courage to start."

Flying Feather Four Miler...I'm Back!

I'm back, in more ways than one.

Wow, it's been a long time since I updated this blog. I have been swamped with work and home for most of the time. And trapped in the Facebook black hole. That thing is addicting, and kind of weird when you start hearing from high school friends. Then you go look in your yearbook and wince at all the big hair (I was always trying to get my hair bigger but it never worked) and all the people you thought you forgot and then it's like you are in high school again. Thankfully you can close the book and it's over. It is nice to hear from classmates again and see what they are up to.

I'm also back into running...slowly. (Slow jogs, or slogging, I call it). I ran my first race in over a year and it is fitting that it was the Flying Feather Four Miler. That was my first race ever three years ago. It's what got me hooked on running, and racing. They also give you a bottle of wine when you finish!

I went out very slowly, but after 2.5 miles with NO PAIN, I put on my music player and just starting moving. Like real running, not slogging. And with .5 miles to go, I ran as fast as I could. Coincidentally, my doctor was standing at the finish line keeping an eye on all of us and I ran right past him as he said, "Don't stop...Keep moving!" Good advice since I was trying to catch my breath and couldn't really stop. I think he did a double take when he saw me but I couldn't be sure.

I picked up my wine afterwards and drank it with Thanksgiving dinner. The taste of victory!

My plan is to train for the Cap City Half Marathon again, this time by myself. I don't want to feel the pressure of having to run faster to be part of the group, and I don't want to feel compelled to run on the ice like I did last time! A lot of good it did me. Nope, this time I am running every other day, and working in more cross training and PT. I'm hoping to stay injury free this time around, and then sign up with MIT for the marathon training course for the Columbus Marathon in October. I will run a marathon yet!

My New Motto

this sums up my new motto:
I LOVE it!

use your brains part 2

Even McCain seems to be saying it.

Stop the hate, stop the ignorance. Use your brains to choose.

That's all. Good night.

My two cents

It has been a while, my friends. Whoops, time to take a drink. No wait, that's tomorrow. And I really do think my friends/family are the only ones reading this anyway, so you truly are "my friends."

Quick running update - I'm jogging, slowly, 30 minutes every other day. My ankle gets stiff, but otherwise so far so good. My sights are set on the Cap City Half Marathon in April (I wonder if they'll still call it Bank of America Half Marathon, or will it be the U.S.Government Banking Half Marathon? Get it?). I start training in December. I'm also considering the Flying Feather Four Miler on Thanksgiving, and will welcome company if any visiting family members want to join me. You can't beat the swag and you'll have room for lots of pie after Thanksgiving dinner!

Now, my two cents regarding this election. Really, my opinion is probably not worth much more - kinda like the stock market and my retirement fund. I am a dyed in the wool blue state donkey-loving (not THAT kind of donkey-lovin' - get your mind out of the gutter!) BIG D Democrat. Yet I don't like to foist my opinions about politics on others. I let my quiet and reserved husband take on that duty.

I only have two things to say:

1. Use your brain. I urge everyone to figure out what is most important to them, their families, their children and their grandchildren, and then find out all that each candidate has to say about it. Please please please don't say, I'm voting for X cause he's older, or he looks more presidential, or he's smarter. Those are nice, but really, what on Earth is the person saying? What is their true voting record (not what is spouted by the other candidate which is usually misleading) on the issue? How have they demonstrated their commitment to addressing YOUR concerns? Democracy has the best outcomes when we take our responsibility for voting seriously. It's not a football game, it's the leader of the free world. If you don't get my drift, it's IMPORTANT. And it is incumbent upon each of us lucky enough to be able to vote to take this election very seriously. Use your brain, people, I beseech you.

2. Look at where you are. Are you in a good place right now? Most of us are not. Whether it be gas prices, unemployment, health care, worthless pension funds, poor education, and just plain well-being, how are you doing? Has it gotten better, or worse? Not whether you can afford that plasma TV, but really, are you better off now? Are you even feeling good about where you are at?

That's all I have to say on the matter. Thanks for listening. I'm Morgancia, and I approve this message.

Grandma

My grandma passed away today. She was 90 years old and in good health for 90. But things just got the best of her. I will miss her very much.

Some things I remember about my grandma:

• When my brother and I were young, she played Uno (and every other game) with us every time she visited. She was such a good sport.
• Eating awesome junk food when we visited her house. She would make us pudding, and would have Bugles and cheese puffs, and we would never ever be hungry!
• Exploring her house. There was lots of old cool stuff in her house; I remember being kind of freaked out about a stuffed pheasant just sitting in one of the bedrooms.
• Grandma and my older son reading together, and watching the Pokemon movie together at Christmas.
• Visiting her house by myself for the first time - it was a four hour drive. I remember us going to a restaurant and me backing my car into the wall...We had a great time shopping and going out to eat and just talking about things. It was really nice.

I'm so glad we got to see her for her 90th birthday and over Labor Day. I aspire to be like her, living til at least 90 and playing with my grandchildren and great grandchildren someday.

We love you Grandma. We will miss you very much.

Bikes are an afterthought

This morning I heard there was a crash on a highway that had traffic stopped and I was thankful the traffic jam was nowhere near me.

Later I read a post on Consider Biking that said it was a car that crashed into a bike, and the cyclist died. I was very thankful it wasn't me. I felt terrible for the cyclist and his family. And for the driver of the car.

I avoid the roads as much as I can. When I am on the main street, High Street, I ride the sidewalks. I know it is just as dangerous (or even more so if you are not paying attention), but I can't imagine riding on the street itself. I ride on the side streets where necessary but where there's heavy traffic, I am just terrified to be on the road with cars.

Let's face it, roads around here and in most of the country were made for one purpose - cars. Bikes, if considered, are an afterthought. Occasionally you see a bike lane here or there, but accessible roadways are virtually nonexistent. You have to be extra vigilant on the roads, and you can still make a mistake. I read on blogs and in guide books that bikes are to be treated just like cars; we need to obey all traffic laws. But bikes are NOT cars, and roads are not built to be shared.

I do feel sorry for the driver of the car. Bikes are gaining popularity, but there's not really any training for drivers. Should you pass the cyclist? What do those hand signals mean? What about cyclists that cross across three lanes of traffic, or don't stop at red lights or stop signs?

There's some mutual responsibility here, and some responsibility on the part of city planners. If bikes are to be treated the same as cars, then roads must be re-examined as a path to be used by cars AND bikes, sharing the road. And drivers and cyclists need to understand the rules of the road for both forms of transportation.

For now, I think I'll stay on the sidewalks and bike trails. I think there is a bike revolution going on, but I don't know how long it will last, and I don't know if it will go anywhere or if gas prices go down, everyone will return to their gas-guzzling four wheel boxes, consuming far too much nonrenewable energy and getting fatter and fatter all the while.

I'll show you, Wii!

A few days later, and my Wii Fit age is 41. Take that, Wii. Although I realize that the Wii Fit measurements are hardly scientific, I feel vindicated. At the very least, I am a tad competitive so having a goal to reach or achieving the high score really gets me motivated.

The yoga is pretty cool. For the easy poses I was in the "Yoga Trainer" category, and then when I had to balance on one leg, I kept falling off the board. I could get into the yoga, though. There are a lot of poses to learn, and they are challenging.

I have to do it at night when the young 'uns are in bed, because my 6 year old does a mean "Howard Cosell" imitation. His commentary is nonstop. "Mommy, you have to turn to the right. Don't jump on the board. You are going too fast! I can't believe you can't get the ball. You are terrible, Mommy!"

I play a mean game of Tetris. Do they have that for the Wii? Something that takes less coordination, maybe?

Damn that Wii Fit

I was feeling pretty good about being 40 and then I played Wii Fit yesterday evening. You have to do a profile and it gives you some balance tests. When I did the balance test, it asked me if I tripped when I walked. I didn't know Wii Fit was programmed with sarcasm. How did it know I DO trip when I walk?

Then, based on my weight and height and BMI and balance and god knows what else, the Wii Fit proclaimed my Wii Fit age to be...wait for it...57! Fifty frickin seven! I was so mad, I threw that Wii Fit board right in the trash. Well, no I didn't. But I did dwell on it for the rest of the night while my husband (Wii Fit age 47) laughed and laughed.

My soon to be seven year old son's Wii Fit age? 27.

40 - cool and awesome

Yep, the big 4-0! I am 40 today. I don't consider myself old, and I don't consider myself young. I don't feel 40, although I'm not sure what 40 is supposed to feel like. Someone told me you are more mature at 40, but I'm not sure that's the case with me, or with some of the 40 somethings I've been acquainted with!

I'm more athletic than I've ever been, and I think I'm in the best shape. Even though I have weight to lose, I would have never contemplated running a marathon or biking 24 miles even two years ago!

Anyhow, I have had a great birthday. My family and I went out for ice cream yesterday (it was my birthday eve, you know) and I had toffee chip - toffee and great big chocolate chunks in vanilla ice cream. It's the bestest.

I rode my bike into work today. My ankle felt great. I didn't get lost. When I got to my office, it was decorated for my birthday. I expected some decorations about getting older but my friends said they "knew better." I don't know what they are talking about.

They also got me a cake and sang happy birthday. I was very touched. And embarrassed. The cake was delicious. Cool and awesome, as my two year old would say. One of my work friends took me to lunch.

My boss thought I was turning 33. That was cool and awesome too.

My parents emailed me and my brother sent me a tweet.

I arrived home via bike exhausted, but my two year old ran up to me and yelled happy birthday! and gave me a great big hug. And my six year old made me three beautiful cards, and the two year old made one with help from his brother.

My husband made me tacos for dinner yesterday (upon request) and one of my favorite meals today - apple chicken quesadillas. He also wrote a blog post that made tears well up in my eyes, it touched me so. He's cool and awesome too.

I didn't ask for presents, as I considered my new bike a birthday present of sorts. And I didn't need any presents at all, since I have the best presents anyone could ask for - wonderful and thoughtful family and friends. I think this was one of my best birthdays ever. Thank you everyone! You are all cool and awesome.

Back on My Feet

I saw the doctor today. He said my ankle looked very good, despite the fact that it was still swollen and turning yellow (after having been purple). Nothing was broken, nothing was torn, and my ankle seemed really strong. He said to start walking on it, and that I could ride my bike again. Yay!

This was the best news of the day. Before that I quite a morning. Yesterday I used a cane to get around, and I had a ride to and from work. My entire leg hurt last night, and I worried that I overdid it. So I decided I would take the crutches again today. I had to drive because I had a doctor's appointment, but I was worried about parking in my usual spot, which was two blocks from my office building. That was a lot of walking on crutches. (Nobody tells you how much it hurts your arms and the chafing you get under your arms from the crutches!)

So I decided to try to find a parking lot closer to the building. There were two that I knew of. I took the usual route to work, but had to drive around a little to get to the lots. As I made a right turn on one of the streets, a cop waved at me to stop. I wondered if something was going on - someone crossing or something. Then he came to my window. Oh crap.

I opened my window. "What did I do?" I asked in a shaky voice. "You made an illegal turn." I truly had no idea. I didn't see any signs but I was nervous as it was trying to find a place to park. "I didn't see the signs." The cop proceeded to tell me there were 4 different signs I couldn't help but see and that I needed to follow the traffic laws. He took my license and insurance and went back to his car. I don't know if he saw the crutches in the back seat, but I didn't think I'd sound sympathetic enough if I explained what I was doing. I would sound silly, not sympathetic.

He gave me a ticket. Wonderful. I was near tears. After that, I decided I wasn't going to pay to park any closer. I'd be paying enough with the ticket. So I ended up parking in the garage I usually park at. And hobbling to the office on crutches. I sat through a meeting and hobbled to another one across the street.

After all that I decided I would go to the doctor and then go home. I had enough. So the doctor's news was the best part of my day. I've been walking on my ankle, and it feels sore, but he assured me I couldn't hurt it anymore. In fact, he gave me strengthening exercises and told me once I could do those I should try balancing on the foot. Wow.

But the best part was that I could ride again! I don't know when I will be able to run, but at least I can ride!

Thursday - Part 2: A visit to the ER

Note: Read Part 1 first, as it makes part 2 seem even more ironic.

I successfully rode my bike 24 miles to and from work. My stress fracture was healing. I was proud of me and eager to get back on the trail.

After eating dinner, my two year old and I went out to the backyard. We were playing hide and seek. He'd count and I'd hide where he told me to. Sometimes I would trick him by hiding somewhere else. One of the times I was trying to surprise him I ran off the deck and hit the ground. My foot hit the ground and bent at an angle that it really wasn't supposed to. I heard a crack and then I fell on the ground with a moan. My two year old came over and said, "Mommy you go hide. You go hide!"

I tried to explain amidst the pain that Mommy hurt her leg and couldn't get up but he didn't understand. I stopped for a moment and realized my other foot was fine, and that I needed to get up because my husband had just set out to run for 11 miles which would take over an hour. He didn't carry his phone with him. My six year old was at a friend's house.

So I got up and hopped back up on the deck and toward the door. My two year old followed, asking me what happened. I made it to the couch and then I tried to explain to him I needed a bag of frozen peas. He's just tall enough to open the freezer. I explained I needed the bag with the little green balls on it. "Can you get it for Mommy?" "Yeah!" he said. Then he ran to the refrigerator, opened the freezer door and said "Do you want a strawberry fruit pop?" I said, "No, Mommy needs the peas." He didn't understand.

I gave up and he just came over and kept asking what was wrong. Then my six year old came home and asked if he could go on a bike ride with his friend. I said, "No! You have to stay here and help me! I fell and did something to my leg!" At first he wasn't sure what to make of the situation but then he really stepped up and helped out. He got the peas for me. He gave his brother a snack. He even helped his brother get ready for bed. He was cleaning up the toys (!) with his brother (!!) when my husband came home. He took a few glances around the house and then said, "What's going on?" I explained and he said I needed to go to the hospital to get my ankle checked out.

So I did. My boss, who is also my neighbor, was awesome. She came and got me and took me to the hospital while my husband stayed home with the kids. After waiting for a while for a wheelchair out by the valet parking, I was checked in, triaged, x-rayed, diagnosed, wrapped up and sent home with a sprained ankle.

So now I'm off my foot for another week. I'm hobbling around on crutches and my foot is a lovely shade of dark purple. My parents visited this weekend and got to wait on me, and my husband had to put in overtime (weekends are sort of his time off since he stays home with the kids during the week).

And now I get to try to hobble around at work tomorrow, which will make me a different kind of celebrity. The woman who rode her bike 24 miles in a day and then fell off her porch playing hide and seek. Lovely.

I don't know how long this will take but I don't think I can take it anymore. I'm itching to ride my bike. Oddly enough, I'm not really interested in running. Especially in this heat. I think I'll just have to start all over again next year.

I look at it this way: this gives my stress fracture more time to heal. Maybe I can do it right next time. I sure hope so. I don't need any more injuries!

Thursday - Part 1: Bike to Work

Last week I was so excited to get out and start riding my bike to work. After three days of research and putting it off, I finally did it. Thursday I said I would set out on my bike unless it was pouring down rain. It was only a little cloudy, so off I went!

I got lost twice, in the spots I thought I would get lost. The first place was in Clintonville, where the trail ends and you have to take a few side streets to pick it up again. I sort of knew where I was, and I saw High Street in the distance, where I knew I didn't want to go unless I was totally lost. Finally, I saw several other cyclists turning a corner and going up a hill and I followed them, which turned out to be the right decision.

The second place where I got lost was at Ohio State. The Olentangy Bike trail turns into the OSU bike trail, but part of it is on sidewalks and walkways. That alone is confusing, as OSU is huge, and there are sidewalks and walkways everywhere. I had my landmarks, and advice from my fellow commuters, so I again sort of knew where I was. But the bad part was that the trail was closed and there was an incomprehensible map with a detour which did not resemble at all the detour that I found online. I ended up riding in the street in traffic until I got to King Avenue, where I spotted some landscapers on the corner and asked them if they had any idea where the bike trail was. They did! They got me right back on the path and I was good to go.

I was afraid I'd get lost heading downtown but that was a breeze. I felt a chill of excitment as I saw the buildings in the distance. It was quite a different perspective from driving! The signs were plentiful, and after I got to Broad Street I remembered the advice not to take the path that heads down to the Santa Maria, as it was a dead end. I had made it past the Confluence, and North Bank Park, and was headed past the federal courthouse. I had to ride on sidewalks but there were signs with big bikes on them so I figured I was ok.

It took me an hour and a half with all the stops to figure out where I was going. I believe it amounted to 12 miles. When I got to the bike room there was a man behind me who used his ID to swipe open the door while I held it for him. I was so excited I blurted out, "I just rode to work for the first time!"

When I got to my office, I was very sweaty but the ice cold air in the office cooled me off quickly. A baby wipe and Bath and Body Works spray, and a Clif Bar, and I was good to go.

I was a little nervous about heading home that night but I was reassured by other cyclists that the bike trail was even more well-travelled heading north at rush hour. I was sort of a celebrity that day, too, as everyone was eager to hear about the trip and couldn't believe I had traveled so far. I was on an adrenaline high most of the day. I did take time to study my maps and even printed out some directions that I stowed in my shirt on the way back, just in case.

At 5:00 I donned my riding gear and headed out. The ride back was a piece of cake. I figured out how to get out of downtown, got through the detour at OSU with no problem, and even was able to maneuver the maze in Clintonville. By the time I got to Broadmeadows bridge, I was very tired. One mile and mostly up hill to get to High Street, then north a few blocks. I did t!

As soon as I got home (it took about an hour and 15 minutes), my husband showed me my dinner and headed out the door to run. He very thoughtfully made spaghetti so I could replenish my carbs. I was so proud of me and I felt great. I sat on some frozen peas as my "seat" was very sore. Padded shorts were sounding like a great idea!

To be continued.....

Cycling: the new running?

The name of this blog is "Morgancia Runs," but the blog is truly more about me than just running. Once in a while you are treated to a small glimpse of my life, especially when I feature a funny or heartwarming story about my kids and husband.

Lately I haven't had as much time to write because my life is so busy. Wonderfully busy, and family, work and other pursuits take priority over blogging. I'm nearing 40 years old and sometimes I wonder how I got here - a wonderful and understanding husband, two delightful, energetic kids, a job that I love (most days) and a newfound interest in fitness.

Running is the best new hobby I have discovered - it takes the least amount of coordination, can get you incredibly fit in a short time, and is less expensive because the only equipment you need is your outfit - good running shoes and clothes that wick away sweat. But you can also easily injure yourself, as I found out when I got a stress fracture 6 weeks ago. After seeing the doctor and trying to get back on a walking/running program, I have had to wait another week because I have had pain in my leg.

My stress fracture has led me on another adventure - cycling to work. I keep blogging about wanting to do it, and now there is nothing to stop me but the weather...and myself. Last night I packed my backpack and took a shower and prepared some snacks. I scanned the maps of the trails I was going to take, and then...I panicked.

I biked 11.80 miles on Saturday partway down the trail and back. I got a little lost at one point but figured out where to go in very little time. That's basically how I get places. I either follow a map or get lost and find my way (this doesn't work in a city in which I'm totally unfamiliar like Cincinnati - I'm always getting lost in Cincinnati).

But getting lost in a car and getting lost on a bike seem to me to be two very different things. I feel much more vulnerable on a bike, especially on a bike path. I've only been cycling for a little while so I don't have as much confidence as I do driving, or even running.

The trail ends in a few spots and you have to ride some roads to pick it up again. Most of the streets are not heavily traveled but you still have to pay attention and this is where I fear getting lost the most.

So instead of biking to work, I chickened out. As soon as I got to work this morning, I sent an email to all of the people using our bike room. There are 80 people from 3 different state agencies using the bike room. Let me say this up front, as I did in a tweet: Ohio EPA cyclists rock. I sent out the email around 8:00 am. By 9:00 I had at least 20 email messages back, and most of them were from EPA staff who also bike to work. I received nothing but encouragment and lots of great suggestions, directions and details, including watching out for hissing geese near OSU. I had no idea! One person offered to meet me on the trail on Friday and I am taking her up on her offer.

As a runner I had not really had much exposure to cyclists except to have them say "on your left" constantly on Saturday mornings (or not and almost getting run over!), and hearing about bike/runner crashes on the trail. The emails I got back proved that there are as many cyclists who love to ride their bikes and support other cyclists as there are runners who encourage each other on every mile. Both love to welcome new people to the sport. Very cool.

So I might "suck it up" as I told one person and just ride into work tomorrow. Otherwise I'll wait til Friday since it looks like rain the rest of the week. I'm not ready to brave the rain. Yet.

But it sure is nice to ride 11 miles and not have your shins hurt. I could get used to this.

On the road to recovery

I saw the doctor today and he said I was ready to start my recovery. I haven't had any pain except a few twinges here and there, which he said was normal. Apparently once you've had an injury you are hypersensitive to any type of feelings - twinges, etc. - but they are not indicative of continuing issues.

I received a schedule to get me back to training. I am to start by walking 10 minutes 2 days in a row and then 20 minutes and then progress to very slow running. Cross training is highly recommended and he said I can ride as many miles as I want on my bike.

I started out with the 10 minutes walking on the treadmill today, and then I did my physical therapy which the doctor told me to do. Then I did 15 minutes on the stationary bike. No pain!

My knee seems a little sore now but it appears to be above where the stress fracture is. Nevertheless I'll make sure not to overdo it.

In other exciting news I got my sticker for my bike for the new bike room at work. It's a pretty large room and you use your ID card to get in. There are 80 people signed up to use the room but the room isn't big enough for all those bikes. It is not anticipated that everyone will be riding every day so we should still have plenty of room. There's even an air pump and a set of tools available in the room and an avid bicyclist with one of the state agencies will be leading brown bag lunches. Very cool.

Needless to say I'm psyched to start riding. Ironically, the day after I get my sticker and tell everyone I'm riding to work, an article appears about the bike trail I want to use. It's less than encouraging but I will still give the trail a try. I'll do 11 miles this weekend to see if I can do it, and then give the ride to work a try next week.

Meanwhile my two year old is sitting on the potty way past his bedtime but he IS using it. I gotta go see how it's going!

Out for a Spin

I managed to ride my bike about 5 miles today. I was able to escape while one son was sleeping and the other was at a birthday party, and my husband stayed home and took a nap after running a 17 miler. It was 90 degrees outside and there was really nothing else I could do. (Well, I could have taken a nap, too, but I didn't run 17 miles).

Riding my bike was just like when I was a kid. It was exhilarating. I rode to the bike trail and took it north to Route 161 and then rode back home through neighborhoods. It wasn't exactly like when I was kid; I was much more cautious riding on the roads.

I told my husband that in a week I might be ready to ride to work. My department is setting up a bike room where we can stash our bikes safely. I've already signed up so that I will feel compelled at least to try it. I have to remind myself that I have to ride back home, too, though. Or resort to taking the bus, which isn't so bad, after all.

Melt the Butter

Melt the butter cause I'm done - I'm as red as a lobster (in case you didn't get the joke). We went to Zoombezi Bay and had a great time.

There IS something wrong with my bike. It's not supposed to click when I pedal. My husband took it out again and confirmed that I really wasn't crazy (after I yelled at him that I really wasn't crazy - it was clicking and I didn't even change gears). Apparently there is something wrong with the gears.

So now I have to go back to the bike store to have them check it out. Lovely.

Two more days of vacation and back to work. I'm ready. I'm so worn out from this vacation I need the rest that only a state government job can give. No, really, any job is more restful than hanging out with my two boys. They are a blast but they wear me out!

Ready to Roll

My leg survived King's Island yesterday. Even though I chased a two year old around, I tried not to run and we mostly ended up standing around in line, and then at the last minute having to leave just as we were about to get on the ride. My son missed his older brother, who was riding all the big kid rides. So we had ice cream instead, and rode the Go Diego Go ride 4 times (it was the only ride he'd do all by himself).

Today we recovered, took our dog back to the vet again (she is now wearing the largest lampshade the vet has), and caught up on some things. I have a new wedding ring. And I have a bike!

I felt dorky walking into the bike store. After about 10 minutes of meandering around and waiting at the counter, the salesperson finished up with his customer and asked if he could help me. "Yep," I said. "I want to buy a bike." Well, duh. I was in a bike store. Anyway, I explained what I wanted and he was very helpful. I even got to try out the bike inside the store. To make myself seem less dorky, I explained that I was a runner, but I was recovering from an injury so I was trying bike riding. My husband laughed at me and reminded me of the disdain bike riders seem to have for runners on the bike trail. It's like me reminding my doctors that I'm an attorney.

I had some great advice from friends but ended up getting a low cost commuter bike (it was even on sale!). I figured I'll try it out and if I really get into it I can trade up. I have a new helmet and bike lock too.

When I got home I tried it out. And immediately proceeded to do something very wrong with the gears. I think I had a 3 speed bike when I was a kid. I had no idea what I was doing. There were some teeth-clenching sounds and some crazy pedaling and I hurried home and whined to my husband that I already broke my bike. I felt even MORE like a dork.

My husband took the bike out for a spin and checked it out. If I did do something to it, it's all better now. Now if I can just get out on the road without doing something else stupid, I'll be ready to roll!

We are now trying to decide whether to go to Zoombezi Bay, the new water park, tomorrow. My husband is undecided. I think he's still recovering from the rollercoasters and water slides at Kings Island. If Diego will let me, I'll take Boots' place and hang with Dora on the slides....

Yoga for Runners

I think I'll check this out: Yoga for Runners! I have my follow up doctor's visit on the 22nd. 10 days and counting! I dreamed about running last night.

zzzzz

I fully intend to write something. Every night. But then I'm too damn tired. Deal with it.
I'm off next week so maybe I'll write something interesting. Until then....YAWN....zzzz....

I just need to get it all out...

I'm almost 40 and I'm falling apart already. First, I get a stress fracture in my leg. Then my eyes were bothering me so I couldn't wear contacts for a few days. Then I chipped my front tooth and had to get it fixed. Now I have a serious sinus headache (well, that one doesn't really count since I get those all the time, but on top of everything else it doesn't help).

It's not just physical. I'm having senior moments, too. I lost my wedding ring a couple of weeks ago. I lost my car key. I lost my debit card (and then found it after having a new one sent priority mail).

I have a bike to try and can't find time to try it. It's been raining forever. And I don't have time to ride (since I can't ride at lunch at work) and I'm not ready to ride to work (I don't know what I was thinking!). I stopped exercising for about a week, felt no pain in my leg, then rode the exercise bike at the gym today and have had twinges in my leg ever since.

And to top it all off, I'm turning 40 in a month.

There. I feel a little better. Thanks for listening.

Out for the Season

I saw the doctor this morning and it's official. I have a stress fracture in my right leg below the knee. The radiologist said it was a severe stress fracture and the doctor said it was rare to get it so high up the leg. I have some pretty good shin splints, too, according to the bone scan.

I stopped running since my last long run June 7. I knew then that I had done something to my leg, and when it still hurt to go down stairs three days later, I knew it was worse than usual. I'm to abstain from running or long distance walking for 4 more weeks, and then check in again with the doctor. I'm really not supposed to do any fitness activity until the pain subsides; at that point I can ride a bike or swim.

Because I have suffered with shin splints for so long, and now have a stress fracture, the doctor recommended that I stop training for any races this year and look towards a spring marathon next year. He thinks I should start from scratch and build my base slowly and gradually. I agree with this approach as much as it pains me to say it.

I told him I assumed this is what I would have to do and I'm ok with it. But then I blurted out how I'm not really an athlete, but I loved to run, and I'm a really slow runner (jogger, if you will) and just wanted to progress and look where it got me. Ugh.

My neighbor let me borrow her mountain bike for a few weeks. I rode it a little tonight to give it a try and it was fun. She uses it to commute to work and it's decked out pretty nicely. She's looking to upgrade to a "hybrid" bike and keep the mountain bike in reserve for the winter. She's a serious biker, so I really appreciate the opportunity to give her bike a try. I just might break down and get a good one of my own.

Not only will it be fun to ride with my sons casually, but I seriously could commute. Columbus is getting to be more bike-friendly (not on the roads but at least with trails). There is a bike trail a few blocks from my house all the way to downtown so you don't have to ride in traffic. Our office building has a place inside to store bikes. Our bus system has bike racks where you can stow your bike if you want a ride, and we have a bus stop very close to my house. It looks like it is only about 10 miles to work but I could be reading the map wrong. If it is, then heck, I could run that far! Riding should be a piece of cake!

Speaking of cake, I guess I will have to lay off all the good stuff I was able to eat when I was training. That will be HARD. I am going to get fat, I know it. As soon as I stop exercising my body goes into full gear storing up the fat.

This has been a hard lesson to learn, but I think I got the message: you really do have to take it slow and listen to your body, no matter how much you think you should be going longer or faster. I feel like such a dork (but I think at work people think I'm an athlete or something), but it won't be the first time. I'll survive and come back fighting strong. Just a little slower!

Being Poor

I just stumbled across this blog post from author John Scalzi- Being Poor . It's fantastic. It's why I do what I do, even if sometimes the government does more harm than good. I'm trying to lessen the harm in the work I do, and help along the way if I can.

And I feel so incredibly lucky to have what I have.

Sidelined

Just a quick update - I have a bone scan in two weeks. In the meantime, I still have pain in my left leg which I'm sure is something more than shin splints. So I continue to ride the stationary bike and do resistance training. Funny thing is, I'm starting to lose weight again! So there's an upside to everything. And I'm looking at bikes. I hate to spend the money but I could get some great exercise riding to work every morning. There are bike trails almost the whole way downtown....

These Legs Were Made for Running...Not?

Well, I saw the doctor today. I still have the pain in my right leg. Enough pain that it hurts to go down the stairs. Even after two days of recovery. He felt all around my lower leg until he found the pain and it went all up the inside of my leg - probaby that posterior tibalis muscle again.

But I said it was worse and different from before and that made him decide to take an X-ray to see if I had a stress fracture.

It looks like it's easy to get a stress fracture, especially if you haven't trained enough or if you have changed your training significantly. I changed from the treadmill to outdoor trails, and I was trying to increase my mileage, and my speed. But maybe my bones couldn't take all the pressure!

The doctor had an X-ray machine in his office so they were able to X-ray my legs and view them right on the computer. There didn't appear to be any fractures visible, but there was some very slight build up on the inside of each tibia, right where my pain has been. The bone has a slight curved area to it, which could suggest a recent fracture that has healed. Apparently it is not easy to detect a stress fracture, especially with an x-ray. So I am now going to get a bone scan which sounds like an ordeal in and of itself.

I explained to my boys last night I might have "broken" my bone in my leg. My two year old said I broke my toe and had to go to the hospital. I asked him where he had heard about going to the hospital, and he said proudly, "Caillou!" (the PBS cartoon). I explained I wasn't going to the hospital. But now, for the bone scan, I do have to go to the hospital. I told my two year old he was right after all. Now he wants to go with me.

I was slightly disappointed the x-ray didn't show anything because this has been so frustrating for me. At least if I knew what the problem was I could do something about it, even if it is to drop out of the marathon training (I would still see if I could do the half....). If the bone scan doesn't show anything, I'm looking at an MRI, possibly.

All so I can jog slowly for a few miles like a crazy person. It's what I love to do. After family and work, it's all I have. If you are a runner, you'll understand....

Help

I limped around this weekend and today at work, feeling grumpy and sorry for myself.

It didn't last long once I was at work, because for what I do, I'm faced with stories of people who are not faring well in these economic times. While politicians refuse to declare a recession, real people are not able to fill their gas tanks, or their stomachs, because of the high cost of everything and the lack of jobs.

My job is to develop policy for welfare programs. These programs were once considered the way to move people from welfare to work. But without jobs, there is no moving to self-sufficiency. Now people who believed that only people who deserved welfare should get it are finding out what we are supposed to do to determine if someone is "deserving" enough.

Unless you have a trust fund that pays your way in this world, many of us are one or two paychecks away from needing help. Every day I read about layoffs, plant closings, lack of food in food pantries, the increasing cost of groceries, the decreasing value of food stamps (they really only last 2 weeks), and the increasing cost of gas, and I worry. I worry about all the people we are supposed to be helping. I worry about the people who are about to need help, and I worry about my own family.

There's no easy answer, except that people need money, and the only way to be able to get enough money to survive is to get a decent paying job. The only way to get a decent paying job is to have a decent education, and have decent paying jobs available where you live. Decent paying jobs need decent health coverage, which costs money. I could go on and on.

The only way I ease my worries is to believe that what I do helps a little bit. It's not the answer, but it's there for people who need help. It's just that there are a LOT of people who need help right now.

The agony of the feet (shin)

I did a 2:1 run walk today for 6 miles. Every time I started running again, I had to wince because my right leg hurt so much. When I got out of the car I could hardly walk on it. I have a feeling I might have something worse than shin splints in my right leg. I see the doctor on Tuesday morning and I'll just have to stay off of it until then.

I am a runner

I'm scheduled for another doctor visit next week. Until then, I continue my "slow jog." I found it insulting when one of my brother's friends asked my pace and then told his girlfriend if she was interested in a slow jog she could go with me. But then, when I was trying to program the Garmin to alert me if I went too fast, the time I wanted to use was called a "slow jog." UGH.

I can't help it my legs are not built for running. If it weren't for my frickin' shin splints I'd be at a slow run!

I know that I should embrace my inner penguin but it's hard. I like these quotes:

According to running guru Dr. George Sheehan: "the difference between a runner and a jogger is an entry form."

This one is even better - by John Bingham:

• I AM A RUNNER because my runs have names. I do tempo runs and threshold runs and fartlek runs. I do long, slow runs and track workouts. My runs are defined, even if my abs are not.

  I AM A RUNNER because my shoes are training equipment, not a fashion statement. The best shoe for me is the one that makes me a better runner. I choose the shoe that goes with my running mechanics, not my running outfit.

  I AM A RUNNER because I don't have running outfits. I have technical shirts and shorts and socks. I have apparel that enhances the experience of running by allowing me to run comfortably. I can say "Coolmax" and "Gore-Tex" in the same sentence and know which does what.

  I AM A RUNNER because I know what effort feels like, and I embrace it. I know when I'm pushing the limits of my comfort and why I'm doing it. I know that heavy breathing and an accelerated heart rate--things I once avoided--are necessary if I want to be a better runner.

  I AM A RUNNER because I value and respect my body. It will whisper to me when I've done too much. And if I choose to listen to that whisper, my body won't have to scream in pain later on.

  I AM A RUNNER because I am willing to lay it all on the line. I know that every finish line has the potential to lift my spirits to new highs or devastate me, yet I line up anyway.

  I AM A RUNNER because I know that despite my best efforts, I will always want more from myself. I will always want to know my limits so that I can exceed them.

  I AM A RUNNER because I run. Not because I run fast. Not because I run far.

  I AM A RUNNER because I say I am. And no one can tell me I'm not.

3 frickin' miles

I ran on the treadmill again today, after doing 35 minutes on the elliptical yesterday. I was able to do 3 miles and noticed it was easier than road running. But I still had enough pain that I will make another appointment with the doctor, if only to get some deep tissue massage for my shins.

The Ice-Up really works well. I took it to work and I've used it twice there, and then took it home. Not only does the ice stay put, I can hold it without my hand freezing, too. If you have to do ice massage a lot, I highly recommend it.

During today's run I pondered whether I should just stop running altogether. I'm really getting tired of the pain and worrying about the latest thing that might cause me pain. I can't run more than once a week and more than 3 frickin' miles without pain. It is really frickin' frustrating.

Note - "frickin'" is my new word. Apparently it's pretty old - from the Urban Dictionary:

...from Andrew Carnegie's partner Henry Clay Frick, whose name became a "dirty word" in southwest Pennsylvania in 1892 after Pinkerton goons, whom Frick had hired, assaulted and murdered striking steel workers in the town of Homestead.

It's also a term used in its short form - "frick!" by Elliot Reid in Scrubs.

I'll just use this form of the word after my most painful runs - "Frick! Frick! Frick!"

Training Resumes - Part 2

I started this yesterday before the kids went to bed. After I read to my six year old, I decided to lay down. I forgot all about this post. 2 hours later I woke up, took out my contacts and put on my PJs and went to bed. I was apparently tired!

I started the new season of MIT today with a 4 mile run. I was ecstatic, because I was able to run. I have been running for two weeks almost exclusively outside, and at a quicker pace than I am used to. Eventually, my legs just shut down and refused to allow me to run again.


On Sunday, I tried to do an easy 3 mile run - but it was extremely painful. It was so painful on my shins that I only ran 1 mile and walked two. I was very distressed at the time, but after thinking about it for a few days I realized it was a wake up call.


My legs were telling me I was pushing too hard, too fast. I wasn't used to running on blacktop more than once a week. I was also running faster than usual. It was fun while it lasted, but it couldn't last.


So this last week, zzzzzzzzzzz...............................

Addendum:
I didn't run at all. I did the elliptical machine and cross trained. I did PT almost every night. I iced every night. Turns out this was the right move. I was able to run the Saturday long run with much less pain. Granted it wasn't very far, but I didn't need to go far. And it wasn't very fast, but you are not supposed to go at race pace when you are in training and running your long run. I'm training to finish, not to get a certain time. If I can run the whole 26.2 miles, I'll be happy. Well, I'll probably be in serious pain and all, but I'll be happy!

I bought some more paraphernilia to help with my legs. We now have a Roadrunner Sports retail store here. I bought two shin splint compression wraps and an Ice-Up cup so that my ice won't fly across the room (which is what happens when it is in a paper cup and I'm rubbing it up and down my leg). I can take it to work, too, since it comes with its own little cooler! I used one of the wraps during my run (I thought two would look too dorky) and actually, that's the leg that hurt afterwards. But it's hard to tell if the wrap caused it or if my leg hurt anyway. I got some free advice from the Roadrunner Sports sales person - he suggested taking a water bottle and freezing it and then rubbing the bottom of my foot over it. Apparently the arch has something to do with my pain, too. I'll try anything now.

My plan is now to go back to the treadmill at least once a week, and substitute at least one run with the elliptical, until my legs feel better. I'll do one short weekday run outside on the trail, and then my long runs. That should get my legs more acclimated to the trail and give them time to heal, on their own terms.

Time for PT!

Happy 90th Birthday Grandma!

We are heading to the Youngstown area this weekend to celebrate my Grandma's 90th birthday. As you can see, she looks great and is in great health. I can only hope I look as great as she does at 90! I don't know her secret but wish I did!

We are all looking forward to coming to see her (and Mom and Dad, too, of course!).

I know it's still a few days away but we wanted to wish you a happy birthday Grandma! We love you!

The pain

I almost gave up today. Gave up running entirely. After my Saturday run I continued to have pretty severe shin pain. My legs were tight so I kept stretching and started doing my PT again. My coach recommended cutting down to three runs a week plus cross training with low impact cardio to allow my legs to heal.

Nevertheless, when I started to run on Monday I felt a painful twinge in my lower left leg, and then after a few minutes it loosened up to a bearable dull pain. Yesterday, I had a hard time going down and up stairs. My legs, particularly my inside lower legs, were very tight. They felt a little better today so I assumed that once I started running I would be ok. But I wasn't.

I managed to do about 3.5 miles on the downtown bike trail. It was a great day for a run - cool and breezy. Yet I was in so much pain that I started thinking about stopping running altogether. Forever. I can't do a marathon like this. I just can't.

My coach recommended stretching and more cross training. Doesn't look like I'll be doing a long run this weekend. I'm going out of town so I suppose it's no big deal. Maybe I've just been working too hard and need to cut back on some things.

I'll miss the first week of my summer MIT session. They've made some changes, according to an email I received this week. These two items, in particular, caught my eye:

• We have Asics on-board as a sponsor, which will allow us to give deep discounts on America's number 1 brand of running specialty gear at Fleet Feet. Other major manufacturers will also be featured in the discount program.
• We have agreed to have Panera host the Saturday workouts – which means free bagels for all of you after each Saturday workout.

I haven't decided to quit altogether. Yet. I've been here before. I can overcome it. I have to. Otherwise I just have to buy a decent bike. And decent bikes cost a lot more than running shoes!

It's All Good

A quick post just to say that my last post - "The hottie is nottie" - was purely in fun. I was teasing my cute coach and husband! And I stole his joke about the Rolling Rocks. He said it first. And as Jeff pointed out in the comments, back then the guys had the long hair. It can get pretty confusing.

The hottie is nottie

Ok so I'll take the "my wife is (was?) a hottie" comment in my husband's blog. But this hottie WASN'T with him when the Penguins were going to the Stanley Cup in 1991. At first I thought I had maybe had too many Rolling Rocks to remember that night, but my brother in law confirmed it. I wasn't there.

So who was the hottie that was there? Or should I chalk it up to faulty memory?

Aw heck, that was 17 years ago. No one even used the word "hottie" then. I don't really care.

And besides, he's stuck with this hottie now.

Marathon Training Begins

You'll notice on the right of my blog I have added a new item: Marathon Training Log.

Since this is my first marathon, and I'm scared to death, and I don't know what I'm doing, I feel the need to share every detail with the world.

While my official training with MIT doesn't start until Memorial Day weekend, I started training in late April. I don't have a training plan for mileage yet, but I'm trying not to lose the base I had when I was training for the half marathon. So I'm doing what I can. And my shin still hurts. Enough that I couldn't run today even though it was beautiful outside. I cross-trained instead. I'm trying to get back to my physical therapy exercises, too. I'm in daily consultation with my coach, Mr. Boston Marathon, and trying not to psych myself out before my training really starts.

So while I might not have time to post a full blog post, or even a tweet, I'll be updating my training log on a daily basis.

Not Our Time

After the latest round of primaries, I've been disheartened by various blog posts, including this one, and this one, and this one, from some of my favorite blogs. I've wanted a woman running this country since Pat Schroeder made an attempt and crying was still uncool. I want it so bad I can taste it.

I think Hillary Clinton would make a damn fine president and perhaps even better than her husband and almost certainly better than Barak Obama. Yet I stopped paying much attention after our primary. The whole thing stopped being about running the country and instead about who had the better team. I'm not picking sides, but I'll be frank: I still want a woman president. Deep down, I want Hillary to keep fighting - it has been so close she can't go down without a fight.

I think you have to be nuts to run for president. You have to think a whole lot of yourself to be able to convince all of us to vote for you. That can set you off the deep end, I think. I think everyone running for president, past and present, have not been grounded in reality. So sniper fire stories and errant pastors are all part of the deal.

Nevertheless, if I hear another Obama supporter whine about Obama being unfairly attacked by Clinton, I think I'll scream. Whining doesn't win elections, and it certainly doesn't help with foreign policy or getting domestic agendas through Congress. You have to fight for what you believe, and challenge those who attempt to block your way. Diplomatically, and with tact, of course.

I tell you, the whole thing is crazy.

Accomplish anything

Once you've crossed the finish line of the marathon, there isn't anything you can't do.
-From Bob Glover, the Runner's Handbook

The idea of crossing the finish line of the marathon just gets me giddy.

26.2 to go

It's been crazy what with the trip to Seattle, Bill's triumph in Boston, and some intense stuff at work. I just haven't felt like writing about anything. I'm still not really into it but wanted to update my blog a little.

I'm not running the Cleveland half marathon. I'm just not into it. I decided just to start my training now for the Columbus Marathon in October. My training for the half marathon wasn't going well anyway, and I didn't want to have to stay overnight somewhere.

I started running again last week. I'm runing outside on the trail along the Scioto River downtown at lunch. It's been terrific. A new trail, nice weather, and the chance to get outside. I don't think I can bear using the treadmill at all anymore.

I've also stopped using the Garmin, at least for the weekday runs. For one thing, I'd probably lose it, which would not be good. I used it once to find out exactly how many miles the trail was, and then I stopped using it. My pace is whatever I can handle, and it is a steady pace. I still feel like a penguin, but in actuality, I'm going faster than I have been. Some people might still call it a slow jog, but I know I'm improving.

I also decided not to use the music player. Since I'm not familiar with the trail, I want to stay alert. I usually run alone so I take my cell phone, and I always tell someone where I'm going. There are a lot of people who use the trail at lunchtime so I think it is pretty safe. I also think not having the music player helps me focus on my strides and breathing.

I'm running the marathon for me, especially since I'll be turning 40 (!) this year. But I'm also running the marathon for my brother's charity: Climb for Kids. I'm not a climber, so I thought I could dedicate my training and run to my nieces through this charity. Apparently others have had the same idea. Soon there will be a web page set up for donations for my race, and other races. I'm so excited to be running this marathon and to be able to help.

And who couldn't help but be inspired by Mr. Boston Marathon! What great stories. I don't aspire to qualify for Boston (although my six year old wants to know when I'm going...), but it is a thrill to hear my husband's experience and know he'll go back some day soon.

Bill in Boston

My husband is in Boston for the marathon on Monday. I'm so psyched. I signed up to get emails when he gets to the 10K, half and 30K points, as well as the finish. Here's other ways to follow the race:

. World Championship Sports Network (WCSN), will broadcast the race beginning at 8:25 a.m. St. Louis time. Just log onto WCSN.com, but do it early. Usually, these sites are inundated at the last minute. Normally a pay-per-view site, the webcast will be free, thanks to the largesse of marathonguide.com and adidas.
2. The Boston Athletic Association will publish every 5K split of every runner on its website. The only catch is that you have to wait until race day, Monday, to sign in at the marathon’s website. On race day, just enter the name or bib number (Bib #8325 for Bill) of the runner or runners you want to follow. From STLtoday.com.

Go Bill!

There's always another race

I am going to Seattle this weekend to be with my brother and his family and celebrate my niece Emma's life. I didn't give it a second thought. I am going.

The Cap City Half Marathon that I have been training for is also this weekend. I had a little regret that I will be unable to do this race. It's really fun, and you get a big honkin' medal. It's the spring race I had been training for.

But if you have followed my blog at all or heard me whine, my training has not been going well anyway. A sinus infection kept me from running for 10 days, and 10 days is enough time to affect your conditioning. I haven't been the same since and I've even wondering about whether I would be able to finish respectably.

But I was still a tiny bit bummed. There are plenty of races, I thought, consoling myself. And I'm not really ready anyway. And then my husband, Mr. Boston Marathon as I sometimes like to call him , spoke up. I love my husband. Once in a while he really says the right thing. We joke that there's a cue card man standing off to the side to help him, and when he says the wrong thing, the cue card man is nowhere to be found. You see, I can't explain what the right thing or wrong to say is. It's just WRONG or RIGHT. It's so obvious to me. I don't know why he doesn't get it.

Anyhow, he said: "You know, the Flying Pig has a half marathon. Why don't you do that?" The Flying Pig is the name of the Cincinnati marathon and takes place in May. It's not that far from Columbus.

Yay! I can run the Flying Pig half! And have some time to catch up on my training! The full marathon is notorious for the hills; but my husband assured me the hills were in the second half of the marathon, not the first 13 miles.

And then I read the half marathon course description: "I think that the Flying Pig Half Marathon course can be divided into four sections; 1) The Warm up Bridges 2) The Climb 3) Walnut Hills 4) The Slide Home. " First off, two of the sections have hill-related titles. Anything called "the Climb" already freaks me out. Second, the first section starts off with this lovely introduction: "The Flying Pig Half Marathon has a challenging course. The first section running the bridges between Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky serves as a warm up for the hills to come." The hills to come? Yikes! Nope. I don't think so.

New plan.

Cleveland also has a half marathon in conjunction with its marathon and it is later in May. It's not as hilly; my husband has run the marathon a few times and enjoys it. This has potential! The only problem is the main hotels are all booked, and I don't sleep well at all in a hotel. I've never even traveled overnight to a race before. Still, I am going to look into it further. I can't help it. Races are fun, and while I'm aiming for the Columbus Marathon this fall (the whole thing!) that seems so far off. I need to have an interim goal to keep me going.

I ran outside at lunch today at work for the first time and it was just exhilarating. I wasn't sure where to run downtown, but found there is a bike trail that follows along the Scioto River. A friend ran with me and showed me the way. It was a beautiful day and I had a runner's high all afternoon. Cleared my head and felt great.

The search for the half marathon continues.....

Family

Two days ago, my niece Emma passed away. She fought with all her might, but a second infection got the best of her. She had been a preemie at little over 1 lb., and had never had the chance to go home because of increasing health problems.

I never met Emma, but got to know my little niece best through my brother's blog, and pictures posted on Flickr. Every time new pictures were posted we shared them with our boys, her cousins, and explained as best we could to our six year old what was happening. We relished every picture, and checked for new blog postings every day.

When I explained to my son what had happened, he said, "Won't people be confused? How can a baby die?" It's a question we are asking ourselves every day. We had always said that you die after you get very old and your body is finally worn out, like you wear out a pair of shoes. I explained to him how Emma was very sick, and while the doctors did everything they could to make her better, in the end, her body just couldn't get better. My son said he thought that when Emma and Ella would get older Ella could play with him and Emma could play with his younger brother. It's a lot for a six year old to understand, and I think he did, and processed it the way a six year old can - pretty matter of fact.

I don't have the words to say how I feel. I think my husband said it best for all of us.

I want to add something, however. One of the biggest regrets I have is that my brother and his family live so far away. My little brother and I were always close when we were little. He was my student when I played school, and he always played along. When he sliced open his finger because he had his finger inside the door when another kid slammed it, I know while in the emergency room he kept asking for me (and to this day I tell my kids to keep their hands away from the door or they'll cut their finger off like Uncle Matt did). I played hot wheels, basketball, flag football and other games with him and his friends because I was more of a tomboy and couldn't tolerate girls. I remember talking with him about his first real girlfriend (you can thank me later, Ellen) and whether they should stay together. He taught me how to use a computer when he was in the fourth grade! My husband and I spent our honeymoon in Seattle and he let us stay at his apartment. Even though he lives far away, and we don't talk much, when we do talk, it is almost as if he never moved away.

So when all of this was going on, it has been heartbreaking for me not to be there to support him and his family. It's the worst thing a parent could ever possibly have to go through. As I read the comments to his blog, and twitter responses, I am comforted that he and his wife have such wonderful friends to help and support them.

On behalf of my family, and my parents, I want to thank everyone who has been able to physically be there for my brother and his family. It means a great deal to me to know that he has so many friends to help and support him.

Matt, Ellen and Ella, we love you. Emma baby, we miss you very much and regret never getting to meet you in person. We send you our love and you will always be in our hearts.

To Wii or Not To Wii?

Note: This is the companion piece to To Wii or Not To Wii on the Sarcasm Spoken Here blog. He gets to play now while I have to blog.

Two weeks ago my husband and I found our will wearing away with the constant talk about the Wii from our six year old son. All his friends have one and it's really fun. I know how addicting video games can be, and remembering all the times my mom urged us to go outside and play instead of playing Ms. PacMan for another hour on our Atari 2600. My son is still learning to read, but he can find and play video games on the Internet, like Spongebob Squarepants, or Ben 10, or Pokemon. My 2 year old son can do the same. He is actually playing some of the same games my six year old is playing! (They each have a folder of favorites and this is the only thing they are allowed to click on, and we monitor them, so it's not like they are freely surfing the web or anything. Just in case you were thinking that.)

I found out that someone at work just got a Wii and she loved it. We happened to have a meeting together and had to walk to another building, so I took the opportunity to ask her about it. She said her whole family is into it, even her 80 year old grandmother. She offered to let us borrow it some weekend when she and her husband are out of town. I couldn't believe it!

We had our chance Easter weekend. My parents were visiting, and it was the perfect opportunity to try it out and see for ourselves whether we could play. My son instructed us how to hook it up and use the remotes. We played Wii Sports and Wii Play. It was fun. After playing all weekend, we were hooked.

I went in search of a Wii and found that they are very hard to find. No one has them on the shelves, and if a store gets a shipment, they are out of them in an hour or less. Online is even worse. It takes minutes for the Wii to be sold out on Amazon or Target or another retailer site. The only way to easily get a Wii is to buy a very expensive bundle, which usually comes with games you don't want. It's the console itself that everyone wants because it's the least expensive and then you can get the games you want.

So after using my expert googling skills, I fould a website that you could use to get Wii alerts for online sales sent to your cell phone or email. Cool. We got about 7 or 8 of these through email but by the time we got them the consoles were sold out already. In minutes! More googling led to some industrious people who located two weekly ads for stores that were going to have the Wii in stock this weekend. Toys R Us and Circuit City. The Circuit City ad said to come an hour before the store opened to get vouchers, and they were guaranteed to have 10 in stock in each store. Only 10! Toys R Us had NO information in their ad. However, on some forum someone posted that Toys R Us usually opened early when they had Wiis in stock because people camped out in front of the store for them. They recommended getting there around 7:45 am. The store opens at 10.

I decided to take a shot at it this morning. Around 7:00 I asked my son if he wanted to go to the toy store and see if we could get a Wii. The store didn't have an ad in our paper so I thought maybe no one would be there. I also thought I would NOT wait in line until 10 for a video game. No way. My son was very excited. I never saw him get ready so fast. I thought it might be fun.

We got to the store before 8:00. and we spotted people sitting in two other cars in the parking lot. We watched employees go into the store. Two people came to my car window and asked me whether I knew how many Wiis the store had and whether it would open early. Three more cars showed up. We all sat in our cars for a while and waited. I chronicled the event on Twitter because there was nothing else to do and my husband was home in the warm house with his coffee while I was in the cold minivan with a restless six year old. The store didn't open at 8. We decided to wait.

Finally around 8:45 we decided to get out of the car. My son couldn't stay cooped up any longer. Another boy, about 12, was wandering around by the front door. As we headed toward the door, a chain reaction occurred. Everyone else got out of their car and headed for the door. We ended up second in line and stood in the cold, hoping we'd be able to convince the employees to let us in.

It was sort of fun. As a rule I never camp out for anything - nothing is worth it so much I waste my time in a line with a bunch of strangers, and in the cold, too. But with my son, and a lot of older people who were bitten by the Wii bug, the wait was bearable. We chatted, and joked, and shared our thoughts about video games and the Wii. Two people offered my son a chair to sit in, but he held steadfast standing next to me.

Around 9:00 an employee entered the store, but stopped to let us know they'd be out around 9:30 to talk to us. The store wouldn't open until 10:00. UGH. I called my husband and he said, where are you in line? When I told him second, he said to stick it out. Easy for him to say (and who is playing right now while I'm blogging?) while he's at home and I'm standing outside with a bored and cold six year old for a game I'll never have time to play. Oh well. He did offer to pick up our son so he wouldn't have to stay out in the cold for another hour. My son decided to stay.

Finally at 9:30 two employees came out and handed out vouchers. They were good from 10:00 until 12:00, at which time any Wiis set aside would be made available to other customers. They only had 18 in stock. There were about 12 of us in line. We had our Wii! I took our son home and came back about 10:00 and picked it up. When I was in line waiting to be let into the store, and waiting in line to pick up the Wii, a few people walked in looking for a Wii to buy. It's just a stupid video game but I had this sense of accomplishment knowing I found one and they didn't. Ha. Petty little life I lead, right?

Anyway, we now have a Wii. Our life is complete. We've already held a family meeting to set the ground rules and I was very proud of my son for setting reasonable time limits we would impose on him. We also came up with the idea that he can earn extra Wii time if he does things to help out around the house. He had a hard time thinking of things he could do, since we haven't really asked him to do chores yet, but I had a nice long list. He's already earned 10 extra minutes by putting away his clean clothes. We have to work on keeping them folded when they get into the drawer but at least he's doing it. Yay! There is some good to the Wii. I hope.

Time for me to go play tennis, or bowling or something. Stay tuned for another blog post on "Wii Shoulder." Maybe it will distract me from my shin splints.

Sleep? I don't need no stinking sleep

Right before it was time to go to bed I began to get anxious. And cranky. I wasn't sure why. I tried to read to get sleepy but it didn't work. I tried to sleep. I counted sheep. I read some more. The more I tried to sleep the tighter the knot in my stomach got, and it occasionally moved to my chest. I don't think I got more than a few minutes of sleep.

I am usually a little anxious the night before a long run with my training group. I'm a little uneasy around people I don't know and running is a personal thing with me. If I can get along with someone and carry on a conversation I don't mind talking and running, but I have my own pace and I like to keep it without worrying about keeping up or slowing down for someone else. So lately I have been pretty much by myself, even if I'm with a pace group.

I also get anxious the longer the runs get. Today I was supposed to run 9 miles. I have two weeks until the half marathon I've been training for. This will be my third half marathon, and I thought by this time I would be an old pro, but I think I feel even less confident this time than I did the very first time. I've been sick, I still have shin problems, and running slowly continues to really bug me.

Despite the fact that I had no sleep, I went out this morning determined to do 9 miles. We had to start at this elementary school again and there are a few really wicked hills that just cause me to stop and walk sometimes. They probably are not so wicked for someone who is a little more seasoned and training for some big race, like, I don't know, Boston? But for me, at the end of a long run, the hills just kill me. All week I was telling myself I would not let these last two miles psych me out. I'd mentally steel myself for them.

I did the 9 miles. Slowly. Painfully. My shins still hurt. I walked a few times. Stopped at all the water stops. I did all the things my learned and cute coach told me to do this morning as I left the house: count your steps when going up the hill to distract you, just accept the pain for what it is (training your legs), and just run and enjoy it.

I did all of these things and more. The run was about 20% physical and 80% mental. My legs were on autopilot, and protested the whole way. But I listened to my music player, sang out loud when I needed an extra boost, reminded myself that I was training, counted my steps, and just tried to relax. I also occasionally thought of my niece Emma, who is fortunately on the road to a slow and careful recovery, and that my shin pain and exhaustion paled in comparison to all of the things she has gone through. I took two Gus during the run so that I would continue to have energy. When I reached 8 miles, which was the least I was going to do before deciding to walk the rest of the way, I pumped my fist and triumphantly yelled "Yeah" out loud. One more mile and I would be done, and I had just cleared the worst of the hills. I picked up the pace and was able to finish the run.

My average pace was just under 12:00 minutes per mile, which was disappointing, but considering the lack of sleep, the bitter wind blowing in my face, and the demon hills, it wasn't so bad. One look at my training log made me feel better too. I still had the best pace yet for the number of miles during training, and in reading the notes, each time I hit 8 miles it was very hard for me. Eight miles seems to be a threshold number right now. After I get past it I'm ok, but getting through it is always rough.

And every time I do it, it amazes me how much of long distance running is mental. When I finished, my legs hurt like hell, and I was even more tired, but I was also mentally exhausted. It took all I had to convince my body to keep moving. My coach tells me it's the same, if not more so, with the marathon. He makes it look so easy!

Time to relax and replenish carbs. And maybe sip a glass of wine? I deserve it!

Recovery

After 10 days of being sick with a sinus infection, I ran 6 grueling miles on Saturday outside. We were on a new route because the school we usually go to was having some function. So we had to go to an elementary school and run through some neighborhoods to get to the bike trail. It was great getting started - it was all downhill. But going through my head, on mile two, was how difficult it would be to come back - all uphill. I did it, but I know as soon as I started the uphill "climb" (hills don't look like hills until you have to run them!) I began to psych myself out.

Running is both physical and mental, and you can't underestimate the power of the mental. I know I psyched myself out heading back uphill. It took forever, and I stopped and walked some of the way. Two people who I am sure were running more than 6 miles had already hit the turnaround point for their run and passed me on the way back. They gave me words of encouragement - "slow and steady - you'll make it!" I finally did.

Since then, I've run had two more runs, both five miles each on the treadmill at the gym. During the first five miler, I had shin pain at around a level 1 or 2 out of 10 (yeah!) and didn't feel too bad. Today, despite a head cold, I had the best run I've had in a while. ZERO shin pain. That's right. I said ZERO! I'll probably have some tightness tomorrow, but I can live with tightness. A little stretching and ice and I'm good to go. Woohoo!

I think much of my motivation for these last two runs has been for my niece Emma and my brother and his family. We had a terrible fright this weekend. My four month old niece recently had heart surgery and was beginning her recovery. My brother called around midnight Saturday and said he was told Emma was doing very badly and might not make it through the night. Since then, everyone's thoughts and prayers have been for little Emma, and she's hanging tough. She's running her own little marathon and we won't let her hit the wall. She will make it. You can read her story on my brother's blog (be prepared to cry and laugh and just have your heart tugged every which way), and a very poignant dedication my husband made with his last 20 mile run. (yes I've hooked him into blogging now!)

One realization I had during all of this was the amazing power of the Internet. My brother's blog has gained a lot of followers, and even people he barely knows or doesn't know at all. He does a great job of giving detailed updates as soon as he can. We don't have to sit by the phone wondering what is going on, and exchanging voice mail messages, or waiting for emails.

And now there's "microblogging". My brother is using Twitter to provide up to the minute updates from his cell phone on Emma's status. I monitor it constantly. I worry when I don't see an update; I've realized that the doctors' rounds appear to occur every hour, and I have to remember that my brother does have to sleep sometime. I'm not sure how useful microblogging is in general; I've signed up and posted some silly stuff that I'm sure people will want to know that I'm doing or thinking. But for Emma updates, it's da bomb! (did I just type that?)

Not again!

I went back to work today. I felt ok. Just a little cough and tired. Then everyone at work was telling me I should go to the doctor as I didn't feel 100% and sounded bad. My chest started to hurt, from coughing so much. I was checking Webmd and self-diagnosing (not a good idea - I have J.D. not an M.D. but sometimes I forget!). I thought maybe I had bronchitis.


So I relented and called the doctor. They got me in for a 10:15 (which turned out to be 10:45 by the time a doctor saw me but what do you want for a last minute appointment?).


The doctor said that she believed I had a sinus infection because I had been feeling better this weekend but now I was feeling bad again. And my cheeks hurt. My lungs sounded clear and my ears looked good. I didn't have any yellow or green goo coming out of my nose but apparently that is not a prerequisite for a sinus infection.

So I got a prescription for an antibiotic, samples of some cough syrup and a recommendation to use Mucinex to loosen the phlegm. I went to the drugstore and got the goodies I needed. Then I went back to the office, thinking I'd feel better soon. Little did I know, I would actually feel worse.... (I am reading Goosebumps books to my six year old and the chapters all end with some sense of foreboding like this).

I took my antibiotic, ate a bagel, tried to read some light work reading (daily clips, etc.) and put some chicken noodle soup in the microwave in the break room. I left the breakroom while the soup was heating up, and by the time I went back for it I started to feel really hot and uncomfortable. I took the soup back to my office and ate two spoonfuls when I decided I had better go home. I felt awful again.

But when I stood up I felt a tiny bit lightheaded so I sat back down. Then I put my head on my desk. I was drenched with sweat. I closed my office door and sat back down and tried to call some colleagues. I felt so bad I didn't think I should drive home. By the time I found someone, she found me on the floor lying down (I chose to lie down; I didn't faint or collapse). One of my colleagues went to get her car, and another came in and started asking me about my medication. Could I be having a side effect? She also asked if I wanted our resident EMT to come check me out. She's got another job on a help desk in our office but is also currently a part time EMT. She comes in handy in our office, that's for sure. She was awesome. She took my pulse and said my heart was racing. She checked my blood pressure but it was ok. They called the doctor's office and talked to various people.

Apparently I had a fever this morning and had no idea. The nurse took my temperature while I was waiting to see the doctor and I thought she wrote down 98. 4 or something. That's not a fever! But the person I talked to on the phone said I had a fever and it was common for my heart to beat quickly as a result. He recommended I go home and take it easy and call if things don't improve.

My husband had no idea what was going on. I couldn't get into the house because the front door was locked and I never use the keys for the front door. The dog was barking and I was hitting the doorbell. He (my husband, not the dog) won't answer the door unless he is expecting someone. Good thing I figured out my keys!

This scene surely had shades of deja vu - at least the getting a ride home part, not the fainting in the elevator part. My husband made me sit on the couch and fed me Dove dark chocolate and gatorade. Ahhh, much better. Actually I felt better on the way home; I felt silly, actually.

My husband remarked that I am the same woman that drove herself to the hospital when I was in labor, but this is the second time I have gotten a ride home from work. Fainting in an elevator will do that to you. I'm still freaked out by it.

I do want to say thanks for the really kind, compassionate people at my office. They are so great; I didn't hesitate to ask for help and they were there in a flash.

Sooo...I STILL DID NOT get to run yet. I'm not too worried about it but I need to get a run in sometime this week. I think I'll ask for an amended plan from the coaches once I know when I CAN run.

My boss says it's the healthy living that is doing this to me. She prescribed a cheeseburger and sitting around doing nothing. Sounds good. Both of them!

The flu from hell

I didn't have a cold. I had the bona fide flu. That's what Webmd says, anyway. Fever, headache, achiness, stuffy nose, etc.

Needless to say I haven't run since Monday. I'm looking forward to a five miler at lunch tomorrow (as long as I can get to work early enough to take a long lunch!) and maybe running it outside!

Am I Prophetic or What?

I'm so sick of it all I actually got sick. UGH. I have the worst head cold. I stayed home for two days and it feels like little needles pricking into my head all over, and in my ears. Yesterday I had a temperature of 100.4.

Needless to say I'm not getting my runs in this week. I'm still attempting the 8 miler on Saturday, though. The weather has been so beautiful I can't resist trying!

Sick of it All

I'm just sick of it all. The snow. The cold from hell that I've had for three weeks. The primaries. The state budget crisis.


I'm done.


Finished.


No, wait. I need to rant.


The snow needs no explanation....


The cold from hell is a cold my family has had for three weeks, at least. We have all had various phlegm attacks and mine's just getting good. I sounded like I was hacking up a lung or something in the office and decided I needed to get out of there early. I even missed our parenting class tonight. I would have coughed all the way through it.


I have had enough of the primaries and people letting their emotions get the best of them. This is not the Super Bowl. We are deciding who will be the leader of the free world. It's not pretty, but it's politics. I'm a Democrat, but I'm tired of the downhill slope our primaries are taking from everyone saying we have two equally good candidates to calling one a monster and the other a babe in the woods and having candidates (and their cult) cry foul for the slightest criticism. Even liberal talk radio hosts have lost it. I didn't drink the Obama koolaid, and my position on the matter is summed up with this vignette. But I have a life to lead, and my kids don't want to hear me whine about the election. So I'm done talking about it and listening to the news and radio hosts and even my colleagues. When it's time to vote, I'll vote. End of story.


Finally, I'm done worrying about the state budget. I'm a state employee, and the talk of budget cuts in our department by way of abolishment of positions has me worried for myself and my office. I can't escape the speculation and the emails lacking much detail from upper management regarding next steps. I will just have to wait and see what happens and take it day by day, and ignore those around me who either are in denial or are in a panic.


Instead, I'll worry about something much more important - what will I do if I have to pee during the five hours I am running the marathon in October? I hadn't thought about it until a Runner's World email newsletter brought the issue to light. And how in the heck am I going to run for FIVE HOURS? This is what keeps me up at night. Tee hee.